My mom died last week. I’m hesitant to write about it because I’ve rarely seen funereal journalism done well, also because my head is in a netherworld and I can’t quite seem to get to it.
It’s where my head was when I wrote the last post, you can tell by the fragment that passes for a fourth sentence. The real story, the one I was trying hard not to write, was that as I skated north and south, into and against the wind on the old canal, I fretted, waiting for the phone on my hip to explode again with a call from my dad or brother or sister-in-law with the latest news of Mom’s health.
We didn’t expect Mom to die. Routine surgery a week before Christmas took a wrong turn, then it was going to be OK, then not. Back and forth my blades etched the ice as the reports from Florida, alternately grim and hopeful, mirrored and mocked my obsession.
Could I get a last-minute ticket in the midst of ice storms and holiday travel rush? To Orlando? What would it mean for me to try? That I’d lost faith everything would be OK? I tried to parse the words that came through the phone. Was my family being alarmist or overly optimistic? Hours became days, then weeks; I knew fatigue must be clouding judgement, theirs and mine alike.
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Rules of Pollination
After being diligent and never missing a Thursday for something like 16 years, I’ve started slipping off in these posts lately and though that bugs me, it’s just the way life goes sometimes. When his publisher suggested cutting his column from six to three days a week, the sportswriter Red Smith answered, “Suppose I wrote three stinkers, I wouldn’t have the rest of the week to recover.” That’s how I feel on a more relaxed schedule.
I’m taking a few days off, which I need. It’s not only that I’ve been busy (I have) that I haven’t written, it’s that my brain was so full of the immediate it couldn’t have produced. Didn’t have the bandwidth. Maybe I can make it up this week.
Toward that end
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, I spent a happy Sunday hour in the basement cleaning beekeeping equipment, scraping wax and propolis, pulling wires from old frames, preparing them for new wax foundation and placement in the hive come spring.
(Bright, cold day in a very cold winter. Plenty of carcasses in front of the south hive. Good, means the hive is strong enough to clean house. Not so at the north hive, but don’t want to read too much into it. Supposed to be cold this week, so no chance to pop a cover.)
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