There’s an App for That

I’m a middle-aged man, with the characteristics of a middle-aged man. I accept this. In summer, I grill and I tend to make a fetish of it. I make my own barbecue sauce. I make out that it’s some big artisan deal, when it’s really not. Probably another ego thing.

I was out in the car last weekend and decided to swing by the store and pick up another bag of charcoal briquettes. (My version of the fetish runs toward charcoal, rather than propane.) (And, no, I don’t use lighter fluid. Thanks for asking.)

I grab the big bag of briquettes and hoist it under my arm and silently congratulate myself. “Man, I’ve still got it. How long have I been grabbing these bags of charcoal? Thirty years? Thirty-five? And the 25-pound bag seems no heavier. I still handle it with the same ease as ever I did.” Seeking written validation of my continued virility, I checked the bottom of the bag to see: “16.6 lbs (7.53 kg) * Lasts the same as an 18 lb bag.”

So 1981’s 25-pound bag is now a 16.6-pound bag apologizing for not being an 18-pound bag and I am getting older. I got over it. I’ll try to age gracefully, the alternatives are unappealing. I do, however, feel bad for the charcoal-buying public, which doesn’t get the value it used to. Call me an old man yearning for days gone by, but there it is.
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500 Questions

I have a friend, approaching middle age, who suddenly found himself single last year after 15 years of marriage. Recently he decided it’s time to re-enter the singles scene and after some fruitless flailing, surrendered to the 21st century inevitability of the computer dating service.

I find the whole thing fascinating, from a purely academic point of view. (Adrienne joins me in this academic fascination, so don’t get funny ideas.) The service to which my friend subscribes allows one to answer as many as 500 questions, the idea being, the more details one provides, the better chances of finding a good match. You don’t have to answer all 500 and most people –apparently – don’t, at least at first.

Although my first reaction was mild scorn, the more I considered this system, the more sense it made to me. This is the kind of thing computers are good at: take a bunch of data, reduce them to binary propositions (yes or no, zero or one) and see which data sets among thousands match up best.

The computer doesn’t do the selecting; it suggests profiles of other folks who seem like a good fit, one of the matched subscribers then has to get in touch with the other and if the gut reaction matches the computer’s opinion, things proceed from there.
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A Few Crumbs

I was helping the teenager prepare for her English final last week, reviewing with her Elie Wiesel’s Holocaust memoir “Night,” which she read this semester. (I’d never read the book, a gap in my own education.)

I came across this passage:

“Dozens of starving men fought each other to death for a few crumbs (thrown by German workmen)… Some years later, I watched the same kind of scene at Aden. The passengers on our boat were amusing themselves by throwing coins to the ‘natives’ who were diving in to get them. An attractive, aristocratic Parisienne was deriving special pleasure from the game. I suddenly noticed that two children were engaged in a death struggle, trying to strangle each other. I turned to the lady.

‘Please,’ I begged, “don’t throw any more money in.’

‘Why not,’ she said. ‘I like to give to charity.’”
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Acting Like a Patriot

The tenth of July 1995 was the tenth anniversary of the sinking of the Rainbow Warrior by the French government. The RW had been protesting French nuclear testing in the South Pacific. Fernando Pereira was killed. In 1995, the French were again testing nukes in the Pacific and Greenpeace had been holding a protest vigil outside the French Embassy in Washington, DC.

On the morning of the tenth, I rode my bike through the neighborhood around the embassy, noting several buses full of uniformed Secret Service police. They knew Greenpeace was going to mount a major protest that day and they were ready.

What they weren’t ready for was that the protest occurred at the French ambassador’s residence, several blocks away, guarded by a lone Secret Service officer, who was just biting into his sandwich when several vanloads of activists emptied into the street, hung a 400-foot banner on the ambassador’s fence and began to lock themselves down.

By the time the main force of cops and cop commanders arrived, they were furious. They felt they’d been “shown up,” some sort of ego thing. As a result, the dozen or so of us arrested were given the treatment: strip-searched, restrained with manacles and belly chains, put into two-person cells with accused killers (all of whom, I must say, were cordial), taken out into driving rain at midnight, then placed in a freezing cold cell.
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Crazy Like a Fox

I admit having a morbid fascination with electoral politics, the way some people feel about slasher movies. Even so, the Sarah Palin bus tour is too gruesome and I must avert my eyes.

Democrats are said to be happy with the antics of the former half-term governor of Alaska. The hype around Ms. Palin chokes off oxygen for serious candidates, governors who finished their terms (Jon Hunstman, Tim Pawlenty, Mitt Romney). Ms. Palin and fellow freak-show candidates Newt Gringrich and Michele Bachmann aid the Dems’ cause in the next year or so, tear their fellow Republicans to bits in nasty primaries, then drop out and go to work (or back to work) for Fox News. The more outlandish the campaign, the bigger the Fox contract – isn’t that the way it works?

Why would Fox News chief Roger Ailes do this? Richard Nixon’s tee vee producer came to Fox 15 years ago and built it into the propaganda wing of the Republican Party. Shouldn’t he realize that by financially rewarding greater extremes of Republican buffoonery, he merely creates a market for it and eventually even dim voters begin to realize the GOP is not making an effort to address people’s real concerns?
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Never Had an Eden

Years ago, when I was a young reporter, an equally young colleague wrote a column endorsing a candidate in a Congressional race. That was against the rules; only the newspaper’s editorial board made endorsements and would not do so for some weeks. My colleague wasn’t fired, just banned from covering the rest of the race. His candidate won, the young reporter left to become the Congressman’s press secretary.

The rest of us in the newsroom were piqued – not because he left to a high-paying, high-powered job in DC, but because his actions sullied those of us who took (or mistook) journalism as a public trust. There are the many, who play by the ostensible rules of society and the few, who play by the real rules, sheltering behind the façade erected by the many.

All this was brought to mind as I finished John Thorn’s “Baseball in the Garden of Eden.” The title’s reference to Genesis is not casual; the book describes the game’s fall from grace and the deliberate myth making that occurred a century ago to conceal baseball’s true roots. Mr. Thorn argues that while there was a true Edenic period in baseball, the game would not have survived, much less thrived, if not for the brawling, boozing, gambling, cursing, cheating, grab-the-cash-with-both-hands greed of the early players, the most astute of whom became the early owners and stuck it to their fellows who took – or mistook – the game as somehow associated with fair play.
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Don’t Know Much About History

For my birthday, Adrienne presented me with a copy of John Thorn’s excellent book “Baseball in the Garden of Eden: The Secret History of the Early Game”.

Among the things I’ve learned:

– The rule allowing a batter to run if a catcher drops a third strike is one of baseball’s oldest (1845), pre-dating both called strikes (1858) and balls (1863).

– At the first game for which spectators were charged admission (New York All-Stars v. Brooklyn All-Stars, 20 July 1858), it cost ten cents to watch the game, but 20 cents to park a one-horse carriage and 40 cents to park a two-horse carriage. Gouged on parking, even then. Ah, tradition.

– The first between-innings (a cappella) rendition of “YMCA” occurred at a game between the Knickerbockers of New York and Eckfords of Brooklyn in September 1847. (OK, I made that one up.)

The most impressive – and distressing – thing I learned is that 88 years before baseball’s “color line” was broken by Jackie Robinson, the integrated team Charter Oak Juniors played in my hometown, Rochester, New York and featured Frederick Douglass, Jr., son and namesake of the great abolitionist and orator.
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