What’s going on under your siding? Do you know? You, homeowner, I’m talking to you, yes you. What’s going on under your vinyl siding? Moisture? Mold? Carpenter ants, maybe? You really don’t know, do you?
How are you feeling about your vinyl siding? How long has it been now? Four years? Five? Do you remember that summer you had it put on? Those people down the street were getting it – you know, those people three doors down on the other side. Nice couple, even if they do tend to brag a little. Anyhow, they were having the whole house done and it looked pretty good, so you called the number on the sign in their yard. The sales rep came by and he had a smooth spiel – no maintenance, add value to your house, doesn’t dent or fade like aluminum, simulated wood grain pattern, easy payment plan.
So you bit. Who can blame you? Why should Mr. and Mrs. High Falutin’ down the street have all the glory? But then there was the buyer’s remorse. No sooner than the vinyl was up on the house than it started to look, I don’t know – chintzy. The house down the street wasn’t looking too good, either. Why is that? You think about buying something and it looks great. It sounds great. Solve all your problems, put your mind at ease. Then you get it and all of a sudden, it’s not so great anymore. And those easy monthly payments, the ones that sounded so insignificant when the salesman was sitting in your living room? Suddenly they looked like a line of monthly bills stretching out forever. Yeah, well, whatever. That was four or five years ago. You finished paying that off a long time ago.
But still – the siding is not looking so great anymore. It did fade, contrary to what the salesman said. And the joints don’t line up flush like they used to. You’re starting to see little cracks and you live in fear that the kids will hit a baseball off of it and the panel might be so brittle it will crack and break. And that asinine simulated wood grain pattern. The damn things trap dirt like crazy. Sure, you don’t have to paint the house anymore, but it seems like you spend more time washing the house than you ever did painting.
And that line about adding value to your house – what a bunch of hooey that was. The way it looks now, you’d have to get all new siding again if you want to sell. Don’t even think about it. It’s too painful. You drive through the neighborhood and you can spot the houses with vinyl siding half a block away. It jumps right out at you. “Chintzy!” it screams. “Chintzy!”
How do you think the fire department feels about your vinyl siding? Do you think those firefighters are going to be anxious to rush into clouds of burning vinyl? Did you know that burning vinyl produces hydrogen chloride gas, which turns into hydrochloric acid on contact with moisture – like say, from a fire hose? So even a minor fire involving your vinyl siding can mean extensive – and expensive – damage to your house.
And how do you think the firefighters feel about those clouds of hydrogen chloride gas? Of course, they wear respirators, but it still can’t be much fun. But maybe you’re a hardnose, maybe you’re thinking, “Hey those firefighters knew what they were getting into when they took the job, so tough nickels for them.” O.K. How about your kids? Do they have respirators?
And finally, what’s going on under your vinyl siding? Really? The only way to find out is to yank big panels off and you don’t want to do that.
Maybe, you’re thinking, it would have been better to have not gotten it in the first place.
What’s Going On Under Your Siding?
What’s going on under your siding? Do you know? You, homeowner, I’m talking to you, yes you. What’s going on under your vinyl siding? Moisture? Mold? Carpenter ants, maybe? You really don’t know, do you?
How are you feeling about your vinyl siding? How long has it been now? Four years? Five? Do you remember that summer you had it put on? Those people down the street were getting it – you know, those people three doors down on the other side. Nice couple, even if they do tend to brag a little. Anyhow, they were having the whole house done and it looked pretty good, so you called the number on the sign in their yard. The sales rep came by and he had a smooth spiel – no maintenance, add value to your house, doesn’t dent or fade like aluminum, simulated wood grain pattern, easy payment plan.
So you bit. Who can blame you? Why should Mr. and Mrs. High Falutin’ down the street have all the glory? But then there was the buyer’s remorse. No sooner than the vinyl was up on the house than it started to look, I don’t know – chintzy. The house down the street wasn’t looking too good, either. Why is that? You think about buying something and it looks great. It sounds great. Solve all your problems, put your mind at ease. Then you get it and all of a sudden, it’s not so great anymore. And those easy monthly payments, the ones that sounded so insignificant when the salesman was sitting in your living room? Suddenly they looked like a line of monthly bills stretching out forever. Yeah, well, whatever. That was four or five years ago. You finished paying that off a long time ago.
But still – the siding is not looking so great anymore. It did fade, contrary to what the salesman said. And the joints don’t line up flush like they used to. You’re starting to see little cracks and you live in fear that the kids will hit a baseball off of it and the panel might be so brittle it will crack and break. And that asinine simulated wood grain pattern. The damn things trap dirt like crazy. Sure, you don’t have to paint the house anymore, but it seems like you spend more time washing the house than you ever did painting.
And that line about adding value to your house – what a bunch of hooey that was. The way it looks now, you’d have to get all new siding again if you want to sell. Don’t even think about it. It’s too painful. You drive through the neighborhood and you can spot the houses with vinyl siding half a block away. It jumps right out at you. “Chintzy!” it screams. “Chintzy!”
How do you think the fire department feels about your vinyl siding? Do you think those firefighters are going to be anxious to rush into clouds of burning vinyl? Did you know that burning vinyl produces hydrogen chloride gas, which turns into hydrochloric acid on contact with moisture – like say, from a fire hose? So even a minor fire involving your vinyl siding can mean extensive – and expensive – damage to your house.
And how do you think the firefighters feel about those clouds of hydrogen chloride gas? Of course, they wear respirators, but it still can’t be much fun. But maybe you’re a hardnose, maybe you’re thinking, “Hey those firefighters knew what they were getting into when they took the job, so tough nickels for them.” O.K. How about your kids? Do they have respirators?
And finally, what’s going on under your vinyl siding? Really? The only way to find out is to yank big panels off and you don’t want to do that.
Maybe, you’re thinking, it would have been better to have not gotten it in the first place.