In a surprise move, the White House announced today that Interior Secretary Gale Norton is to be replaced by former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay. Press Secretary Ari Fleischer said the sudden appointment was triggered by the recent removal of Mr. Lay from the Enron board of directors. “Ken Lay is a valuable player in any organization,” Mr. Fleischer said. “We knew we had to make an offer quickly before he was snapped up by someone else.”
President Bush, speaking from the Rose Garden, said, “Some people see challenges, I see opportunities. We have an opportunity to make American government more efficient, the way business is.”
As Interior secretary, Mr. Lay will play a leading role implementing the oil and coal extraction called for in Vice President Dick Cheney’s national energy plan. In a prepared statement, Mr. Cheney noted that “as Mr. Lay is one of the principal authors of the energy strategy and has personally overseen the appointment of top energy regulators, he is uniquely qualified to lead the nation’s dig-and-drill efforts.”
Secretary-designate Lay said he is particularly eager to begin drilling on Alaska’s north slope and said the area formerly known as the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge will now be called “Enron Field.” That name had been given to the Houston Astros baseball stadium, but the team has expressed a desire to dissociate itself with the name. President Bush, a former major league baseball owner, has suggested the Astros be considered as a candidate for contraction.
In other news, Andrew Fastow, the former chief financial officer at Enron has been named head of the Office of Management and Budget. His first task will be to overhaul the fiscal year 2003 budget using the “aggressive accounting” techniques developed at Enron. Under Mr. Fastow, all deficit spending by the federal government will be transferred to wholly owned subsidiary nations, like Argentina. A return to projected budget surpluses is expected within six months.
Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling will be taking over the Department of Defense from Donald Rumsfeld, who in turn will become secretary of State. Again, using aggressive accounting methods, Mr. Skilling is expected to announce that the war on terror was successfully concluded as of July 14th, 2001.
John Ashcroft will retain his position as attorney general. Mr. Ashcroft announced all federal investigations of Enron are to be closed immediately and all documents pertaining to the company, as well as Cheney energy task force documents, will be shredded and placed in storage at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library. Federal indictments against Enron whistleblowers are expected to be handed down next week.
Joseph Berardino, CEO of accounting firm Arthur Andersen, has been appointed secretary of the Treasury. He promises to re-evaluate the Internal Revenue Service, particularly audits of Americans who earn more than one million dollars a year and make contributions to the Republican Party. Secretary-designate Berardino announced a special, one-time tax rebate of $8,000 to all mothers-in-law of currently serving presidents. Outgoing secretary Paul O’Neill wished his successor well and proclaimed he has no hard feelings. “One secretary comes in, one secretary goes out, that’s the genius of government,” he said.
In Congress, Senate Democrats predicted a swift and smooth confirmation process for the administration’s cabinet shuffle. “We’re standing with the president in this time of national crisis,” said Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut.
Opportunity Knocks
In a surprise move, the White House announced today that Interior Secretary Gale Norton is to be replaced by former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay. Press Secretary Ari Fleischer said the sudden appointment was triggered by the recent removal of Mr. Lay from the Enron board of directors. “Ken Lay is a valuable player in any organization,” Mr. Fleischer said. “We knew we had to make an offer quickly before he was snapped up by someone else.”
President Bush, speaking from the Rose Garden, said, “Some people see challenges, I see opportunities. We have an opportunity to make American government more efficient, the way business is.”
As Interior secretary, Mr. Lay will play a leading role implementing the oil and coal extraction called for in Vice President Dick Cheney’s national energy plan. In a prepared statement, Mr. Cheney noted that “as Mr. Lay is one of the principal authors of the energy strategy and has personally overseen the appointment of top energy regulators, he is uniquely qualified to lead the nation’s dig-and-drill efforts.”
Secretary-designate Lay said he is particularly eager to begin drilling on Alaska’s north slope and said the area formerly known as the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge will now be called “Enron Field.” That name had been given to the Houston Astros baseball stadium, but the team has expressed a desire to dissociate itself with the name. President Bush, a former major league baseball owner, has suggested the Astros be considered as a candidate for contraction.
In other news, Andrew Fastow, the former chief financial officer at Enron has been named head of the Office of Management and Budget. His first task will be to overhaul the fiscal year 2003 budget using the “aggressive accounting” techniques developed at Enron. Under Mr. Fastow, all deficit spending by the federal government will be transferred to wholly owned subsidiary nations, like Argentina. A return to projected budget surpluses is expected within six months.
Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling will be taking over the Department of Defense from Donald Rumsfeld, who in turn will become secretary of State. Again, using aggressive accounting methods, Mr. Skilling is expected to announce that the war on terror was successfully concluded as of July 14th, 2001.
John Ashcroft will retain his position as attorney general. Mr. Ashcroft announced all federal investigations of Enron are to be closed immediately and all documents pertaining to the company, as well as Cheney energy task force documents, will be shredded and placed in storage at the Richard Nixon Presidential Library. Federal indictments against Enron whistleblowers are expected to be handed down next week.
Joseph Berardino, CEO of accounting firm Arthur Andersen, has been appointed secretary of the Treasury. He promises to re-evaluate the Internal Revenue Service, particularly audits of Americans who earn more than one million dollars a year and make contributions to the Republican Party. Secretary-designate Berardino announced a special, one-time tax rebate of $8,000 to all mothers-in-law of currently serving presidents. Outgoing secretary Paul O’Neill wished his successor well and proclaimed he has no hard feelings. “One secretary comes in, one secretary goes out, that’s the genius of government,” he said.
In Congress, Senate Democrats predicted a swift and smooth confirmation process for the administration’s cabinet shuffle. “We’re standing with the president in this time of national crisis,” said Senator Joseph Lieberman of Connecticut.
Vice President Dick Cheney remains in hiding.