Did you know smoking pot makes you a better driver? Hard to believe, but getting stoned before you get behind the wheel of a car may be the best thing you can do for highway safety.

On January 25, the Burlington Free Press ran an AP story about the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals overturning the conviction of an Idaho man for driving while impaired. The man, Matthew Patzer, admitted to smoking pot before turning the key in the ignition. As it transpires, the Idaho state legislature never got around to adding marijuana to the list of banned narcotics, and since Idaho law only forbids driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics, the federal judges ruled, ipso facto, that Mr. Patzer and his lawyer had found a loophole.

But that’s a loophole. Just because it is technically legal to toke and drive in one state doesn’t invalidate the logic behind the statutes in all the other states, and it doesn’t mean driving while high is a smart or safe thing to do. Anyone would be foolish to suggest that it is.

Foolish suggestions, however, are not hard to find. The day before the Idaho pot smoking article appeared, the Free Press ran a story about guns in Vermont. Vermont is the only state in which people do not need a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Vermont is the only state in America where a person can marry someone of the same gender, carry a concealed weapon without a permit, and in some months of the year, shoot fish. People do not just come here for the skiing and syrup.

Of course, the ability of the average Vermonter to pack heat is why we have such a low crime rate. The cashier at the supermarket wears a baggy red smock. Is there a Glock 9 under there? I can’t tell, and since I don’t want my hand blown off, I don’t even think about slipping a Mars bar into my pocket.

The City of Burlington has a scoop law. Dog owners are required to pick up Fido’s residue. When I see a dog walker coming down my street, I step out onto the porch. If the dog stops and sniffs at my yard, I clear my throat, loudly. When the dog owner looks up, I make eye contact and slide my right hand into my cardigan sweater real slow. They get the idea; they don’t want trouble; they yank the leash so hard the dog’s eyes almost pop out. I could be bluffing, but why take the chance? Better a constipated dog than a dead one.

When you meet Vermonters, we may have guns in our pockets, or we may be just happy to see you. Either way, I don’t think you want to find out.

Does the state of Vermont’s gun laws make this state a safe place to live? Ed Cutler, lobbyist for Gun Owners of Vermont, thinks so. He argues, with a straight face, that Vermont’s low crime rate is the result of our lax gun laws. My satire is his reality.

Mr. Cutler has a problem sorting out cause and effect. Perhaps he’s been smoking pot with Matthew Patzer. Vermont has lenient guns control laws because we have a low crime rate, not the other way around. Most Vermonters are not running around with pistols tucked into our belts, as Mr. Cutler would have you believe. It is because we have not had a spate of ugly incidents involving concealed weapons that no law regarding them has yet been written into Vermont’s penal code, much in the same way that Idaho’s relatively low number of pot smokers has probably resulted in that state’s absence of laws forbidding driving while stoned.

The lunacy is contagious. A Missouri man is stumping to repeal his state’s concealed weapons law and he points to Vermont as an example. Even the National Rifle Association refuses to endorse his campaign.

Unlike some people on the left, I support the right to keep and bear arms. Unlike some people on the right, I don’t see the Second Amendment as a blank check.