And in those days, a great darkness fell across the land and blackouts were many and the beer in all the taverns did grow warm. The ancient pipeline ruptured and spilled its precious liquid on the sands of the Arizona desert and the lines at gas stations of the southwest grew long and all across the land, the price of petrol spiked and even in faraway Vermont the price shot up by 15 cents a gallon in just two weeks, the steepest increase in memory the town crier said on tee vee.
And the pipeline grid was blamed and the electric grid was blamed and great was the mourning and weeping throughout the land. And the cries of the people were heard in the royal court at Havealot, where Sir Richard of Halliburton was reclining at the Crooked Table and Sir Richard called to his squire, Scooter, and told him to fetch his armor and saddle the steed Abraham.
In the village below Havealot, the common folk gathered and welcomed Sir Richard and he spoke to them, saying, “The grid has failed you. I shall go forth on a quest to find the Holy Grid, so you may have power enough for your microwave ovens and big screen tee vees and gasoline enough that you may ride alone in your SUVs.”
And the people of the village cried out in protest, saying, “How can this be? Verily, the grid itself is the problem. ‘Tis madness to think the answer is even more grid.” But Sir Richard answered them not. He lowered his lance and spurred Abraham into the crowd, scattering them before him and trampling several children under the steed’s iron-shod hooves and Abraham did befoul the village square with his droppings.
Sir Richard of Halliburton rode off for a month and a day, until deep in the forests of Ohio, he came upon the hermit Harvey, who was said to be wise in the ways of electric power and Sir Richard told the hermit of his quest for the Holy Grid.
And Harvey rebuked Sir Richard, saying, “Good knight, do not spend your life pursuing a foolish quest! Rather than seeking a Holy Grid, you should first show the people of this fair land to conserve the energy we have in hand and not be wasteful. Then you should show the people to find endless energy in the sun and wind and rivers and state-of-the-art biomass facilities, so that all may produce the energy they need in their own province and shire. Then the people will have no need to depend on a grid that will leave them poor and powerless in so many senses of the word.”
And when Harvey the hermit had spoken, Sir Richard seized a great stone, and raising it high, crushed Harvey beneath it. After many more days of riding, Sir Richard arrived at the Grid Castle. The chronicle of Sir Richard’s adventure in the Grid Castle remains sealed under a claim of executive privilege and is the subject of ongoing litigation, but the story has come down to us through other means.
Sir Richard rode his steed Abraham across the drawbridge over the moat and entered the courtyard, where he found a trail of golden coins. Picking up the coins, Sir Richard followed the trail into the depths of the Grid Castle, until he came to a large chamber filled with light.
A voice from out of the light bade Sir Richard to answer the question: “Who does the grid serve?” Sir Richard of Halliburton removed his helm and sank to one knee. In a clear, firm voice, he answered, “The grid serves the Grid King. The Grid King is the deregulator, the market manipulator, the profiteer, the unindicted co-conspirator and, most important, the campaign contributor.”
Because Sir Richard’s words were honest and true, he was given control of the Holy Grid and used it to enrich himself and his cronies and the people of the land suffered rolling blackouts from that day to this.
The Holy Grid
And in those days, a great darkness fell across the land and blackouts were many and the beer in all the taverns did grow warm. The ancient pipeline ruptured and spilled its precious liquid on the sands of the Arizona desert and the lines at gas stations of the southwest grew long and all across the land, the price of petrol spiked and even in faraway Vermont the price shot up by 15 cents a gallon in just two weeks, the steepest increase in memory the town crier said on tee vee.
And the pipeline grid was blamed and the electric grid was blamed and great was the mourning and weeping throughout the land. And the cries of the people were heard in the royal court at Havealot, where Sir Richard of Halliburton was reclining at the Crooked Table and Sir Richard called to his squire, Scooter, and told him to fetch his armor and saddle the steed Abraham.
In the village below Havealot, the common folk gathered and welcomed Sir Richard and he spoke to them, saying, “The grid has failed you. I shall go forth on a quest to find the Holy Grid, so you may have power enough for your microwave ovens and big screen tee vees and gasoline enough that you may ride alone in your SUVs.”
And the people of the village cried out in protest, saying, “How can this be? Verily, the grid itself is the problem. ‘Tis madness to think the answer is even more grid.” But Sir Richard answered them not. He lowered his lance and spurred Abraham into the crowd, scattering them before him and trampling several children under the steed’s iron-shod hooves and Abraham did befoul the village square with his droppings.
Sir Richard of Halliburton rode off for a month and a day, until deep in the forests of Ohio, he came upon the hermit Harvey, who was said to be wise in the ways of electric power and Sir Richard told the hermit of his quest for the Holy Grid.
And Harvey rebuked Sir Richard, saying, “Good knight, do not spend your life pursuing a foolish quest! Rather than seeking a Holy Grid, you should first show the people of this fair land to conserve the energy we have in hand and not be wasteful. Then you should show the people to find endless energy in the sun and wind and rivers and state-of-the-art biomass facilities, so that all may produce the energy they need in their own province and shire. Then the people will have no need to depend on a grid that will leave them poor and powerless in so many senses of the word.”
And when Harvey the hermit had spoken, Sir Richard seized a great stone, and raising it high, crushed Harvey beneath it. After many more days of riding, Sir Richard arrived at the Grid Castle. The chronicle of Sir Richard’s adventure in the Grid Castle remains sealed under a claim of executive privilege and is the subject of ongoing litigation, but the story has come down to us through other means.
Sir Richard rode his steed Abraham across the drawbridge over the moat and entered the courtyard, where he found a trail of golden coins. Picking up the coins, Sir Richard followed the trail into the depths of the Grid Castle, until he came to a large chamber filled with light.
A voice from out of the light bade Sir Richard to answer the question: “Who does the grid serve?” Sir Richard of Halliburton removed his helm and sank to one knee. In a clear, firm voice, he answered, “The grid serves the Grid King. The Grid King is the deregulator, the market manipulator, the profiteer, the unindicted co-conspirator and, most important, the campaign contributor.”
Because Sir Richard’s words were honest and true, he was given control of the Holy Grid and used it to enrich himself and his cronies and the people of the land suffered rolling blackouts from that day to this.
The End.